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DIFFERENT KINDS OF FRIENDSHIP
Who is your friend and what kind of friend are you? This is a question that we all should consider for our friends can have a great influence on our lives--for better or for worse. In this article we are going to look at some friendships that are covered in the Bible and see the results of such relationships.
Let's start with Amnon. II Samuel 13:3 states that "Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab...." Amnon was King David's oldest son and he fell in love with his half-sister, Tamar. The Bible tells us: "Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her" (II Samuel 13:2).
Amnon's friend and cousin was Jonadab who was "a very subtil man." When he asked Amnon what was wrong with him, Jonadab gave him a game plan. He said: "Lay thee down on thy bed, and make thyself sick: and when thy father cometh to see thee, say unto him, I pray thee, let my sister Tamar come, and give me meat, and dress the meat in my sight, that I may see it, and eat it at her hand" (II Samuel 13:5). Amnon did as Jonadab had suggested and when Tamar came in to make the cakes, "he took hold of her, and said unto her, Come lie with me, my sister. And she answered him, Nay, my brother, do not force me; for no such thing ought to be done in Israel: do not thou this folly....Now therefore, I pray thee, speak unto the king; for he will not withhold me from thee. Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone" (II Samuel 13:11-15).
Tamar was Absalom's sister and when he found out that she was raped, he hated Amnon. This hatred resulted in Absalom having Amnon killed. All this took place because "Amnon had a friend" whose sinful advice he heeded. Do you have a friend who is giving you bad advice? If so, it's time to sever your friendship with that person before you are led into sinful practices. I Corinthians 15:33 warns us: "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners."
Another man who had a friend was Haman. King Ahasuerus had promoted him above all the princes and he was reverenced by the king's servants (Esther 3:1). Haman, however, hated Mordecai, a Jew, because Mordecai refused to bow down to him. Haman, therefore, sought to kill all the Jews in the kingdom. He detested the Jews so much that he even promised to pay money to the king's treasury to cover the expense of getting rid of them and he received permission from the king to do so.
In the meantime, Haman had been invited to dine with the King and Queen and he went "forth that day joyful and with a glad heart: but when Haman saw Mordecai in the king's gate, that he stood not up, nor moved for him, he was full of indignation against Mordecai" (Esther 5:9). Haman went home to his wife and friends and told them how he had been promoted and how he was the only person who was allowed to eat with the King and Queen, but he added: "Yet all this availeth me nothing, so long as I see Mordecai the Jew sitting at the king's gate" (Esther 5:13).
When they heard what Haman said, his wife and friends had a plan laid out for Haman. They said: "Let a gallows be made of fifty cubits high, and to morrow speak thou unto the king that Mordecai may be hanged thereon: then go thou in merrily with the king unto the banquet. And the thing pleased Haman; and he caused the gallows to be made" (Esther 5:14).
God intervened with Haman's scheme when it was discovered that Mordecai had saved the king's life, and when the king learned about the gallows Haman had built, he commanded that Haman be hang on them instead. By Haman listening to the advice of his wife and friends, he not only lost his life, but his 10 sons were also killed. Again, we see that if we have the wrong kind of friend, we can end up in a lot of trouble and many others may even suffer severe consequences because of our unwise choices.
King Solomon, too, was influenced by his friendships with the wives he married. "Solomon made affinity with Pharaoh king of Egypt, and took Pharaoh's daughter" (I Kings 3:1). In fact, David knew that his affinity with her was wrong for he even built her a special house, "for he said, My wife shall not dwell in the house of David king of Israel, because the places are holy, whereunto the ark of the Lord hath come" (II Chronicles 8:11).
Solomon married "women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites; Of the nations concerning which the Lord said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love" (I Kings 11:1-2).
This passage continues: "For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Zidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. And Solomon did evil in the sight of the Lord, and went not fully after the Lord, as did David his father. Then did Solomon build an high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill that is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the children of Ammon. And the Lord was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the Lord God of Israel" (I Kings 11:4-7, 9).
Even Nehemiah remarked that "outlandish women" caused Solomon to sin (Nehemiah 13:26). Solomon started on his downward path by rebelling against the word of God and marrying strange wives. The influence of his wives then made Solomon turn to other gods and he eventually built altars to their pagan gods and worshipped them. As I Samuel 15:23 reminds us: "Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry."
Another example of the wrong kind of friendships can be seen with Jehoshaphat. Jehoshaphat was king over Judah. He was a good king who loved God, but he joined affinity with Ahab, the king of Israel (II Chronicles 18:1). Ahab was a very wicked king who had married Jezebel, a pagan idol worshipper. Ahab himself was influenced by Jezebel for I Kings 21:25 says: "There was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the Lord, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up."
In spite of Ahab's wickedness, Jehoshaphat went down to visit him and he "made peace with the king of Israel." Ahab then asked him if he would go to battle with him and "Jehoshaphat said to the king of Israel, I am as thou art, my people as thy people, my horses as thy horses" (I Kings 22:4). "And after this did Jehoshaphat king of Judah join himself with Ahaziah king of Israel, who did very wickedly" (II Chronicles 20:35).
What happened from this alliance? Well, Jehoshaphat's son, Jehoram, ended up marrying Ahab's daughter, Athaliah. Athaliah was a wicked woman and her son, Ahaziah, soon became king of Judah. He only reigned one year, however, and when Athaliah saw that her son was dead, she killed all the sons (except one who was hid by his aunt) and took over the kingdom of Judah for about seven years (II Kings 11:3-4). So, Jehoshaphat's affinity with Ahab (of Israel) resulted in his son marrying Ahab's wicked daughter who later became the queen of the land of Judah. We can see that our friendships may even influence our families for evil. In fact, the wicked influence of the kings of Israel crossed over into the lineage of the kings of Judah.
We see that Jehoshaphat was a good king but his affiliation with a wicked king wreaked havoc in the lives of his loved ones and caused degenerate leadership in generations to come.
Some friends influence our actions for evil. Other friends are called "fair weather" friends. They will quickly forsake us when we are in need of help. For instance, we see that Jesus' disciples did not stand by Him in His time of need. Matthew 26:56 tells us: "Then all the disciples forsook Him, and fled." (See also Mark 14:50.) Paul was also forsaken by his friends when he was imprisoned. Paul said: "At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge" (II Timothy 4:16). He added that "Demas hath forsaken me" (II Timothy 4:10). In Philemon 1:24 he listed Demas as a fellowlaborer with him but the reason Demas left him was because he loved this present world.
David, too, knew what it was to be forsaken by a friend. He wrote: "My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me....For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it: neither was it he that hated me that did magnify himself against me; then I would have hid myself from him: But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance. We took sweet counsel together, and walked unto the house of God in company....The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords" (Psalm 55:4, 12-14, 21). This person was someone who was very close to David and yet he turned on him and caused him much anguish. David responds by saying: "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved" (Psalm 55:22). In spite of being forsaken, David knew where he could receive comfort and so he turned to the Lord in his times of distress.
Job was yet another one who lost his friends. Listen to his words: "My friends scorn me: but mine eye poureth out tears unto God" (Job 16:20). "My kinsfolk have failed, and my familiar friends have forgotten me" (Job 19:14). "All my inward friends abhorred me: and they whom I loved are turned against me" (Job 19:19). Not only did Job lose many friends at a time he desperately needed them, but those who came to "comfort" him only ended up making many false accusations against Job and added to his misery.
Some friends not only leave us in time of need but, like Judas, they will betray us. In a prophetic passage referring to the betrayal of Jesus, we find: "Yea, Mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of My bread, hath lifted up his heel against Me" (Psalm 41:9). Also Zechariah 13:6: "And one shall say unto Him, What are these wounds in thine hands? Then He shall answer, Those with which I was wounded in the house of My friends."
Jesus Himself warned us that many of His children would be betrayed by friends because of the gospel's sake. Mark 13:12-13 says: "Now the brother shall betray the brother to death, and the father the son; and children shall rise up against their parents, and shall cause them to be put to death. And ye shall be hated of all men for My name's sake: but he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved." "And ye shall be betrayed both by parents, and brethren, and kinsfolks, and friends; and some of you shall they cause to be put to death. And ye shall be hated of all men for My name's sake" (Luke 21:16-17; See also Matthew 24:9-10).
Another kind of friendship that we are forewarned about is being a friend of the world system. James cautions us: "Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God" (James 4:4). We need to remember: "No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon" (Matthew 6:24; Luke 16:13).
Some friendships are formed out of greed or because someone feels that a particular friendship may be advantageous or may result in personal benefit to oneself. "The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends" (Proverbs 14:20). "Wealth maketh many friends; but the poor is separated from his neighbour" (Proverbs 19:4). "Many will entreat the favour of the prince: and every man is a friend to him that giveth gifts" (Proverbs 19:6).
Other friendships are established due to peer pressure. One such "crowd pleaser" was Pilate. Pilate had tried Jesus and could find no fault in Him (Luke 23:14, 22; John 18:38; 19:4, 6), so he attempted to release Him. However, "the Jews cried out, saying, If thou let this man go, thou art not Caesar's friend: whosoever maketh himself a king speaketh against Caesar. When Pilate therefore heard that saying, he brought Jesus forth, and sat down in the judgment seat in a place that is called the Pavement, but in the Hebrew, Gabbatha....Then delivered he Him therefore unto them to be crucified" (John 19:12-13, 16). Mark adds: "And so Pilate, willing to content the people, released Barabbas unto them, and delivered Jesus, when he had scourged Him, to be crucified" (Mark 15:15; See also Luke 23:24). Pilate wanted to please the people, even at the expense of crucifying an innocent person.
Jesus' trial also brought a friendship between Pilate and Herod: "And the same day Pilate and Herod were made friends together: for before they were at enmity between themselves" (Luke 23:12). Herod, however, had shamefully mistreated Jesus. Luke tells us: "Herod with his men of war set Him at nought, and mocked Him, and arrayed Him in a gorgeous robe, and sent Him again to Pilate" (Luke 23:11).
Aquila and Priscilla were the type of friends that would be good models for us today. There was a man named Apollos who was "mighty in the scriptures" (Acts 18:24), but he had only been taught about the baptism of John. When Aquila and Priscilla heard him, "they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly" (Acts 18:26). These people were willing to open their hearts and give of their time to help someone advance spiritually.
There is one final type of friendship that we will look at. It is a faithful, loyal, dependable, altruistic relationship. A true "friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" (Proverbs 17:17). Jonathan was such a friend to David. I Samuel 18:1 says that "the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul." (See also 1 Samuel 18:3; 20:17.) This love was so strong that when Jonathan's father, King Saul, planned to kill David, Jonathan warned David of the impending danger.
Because of Jonathan's kindness to David, when David became king, he showed compassion on Jonathan's son, Mephibosheth, who was lame and "he did eat continually at the king's table" (II Samuel 9:13).
The best example of this altruistic friendship, however, is exemplified in the life of Jesus Christ. He loved us so much that He was willing to die on
the cross in order that we might be able to obtain eternal life and the forgiveness of our sins. "For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die. But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:6-8). John reminds us: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13).
Jesus will never forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) and He "is a a friend that sticketh closer than a brother" (Proverbs 18:24). Psalms 27:10 states: "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up." Jesus is one friend we can always depend on.
What kind of friends do you keep company with and what kind of a friend are you to others? Remember: "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners" (I Corinthians 15:33) but "Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful" (Psalm 1:1) for "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and He delighteth in his way" (Psalm 37:23).
--Dr. Cathy Burns